I hate humidity. It’s worse than vegan bacon. Below is a conversation I had with a tour guide on a sweltering trip to Thailand.

Tour guide: Buddhism is rooted in three principles: suffering, impermanence, and the here and now. Does that make sense?

Me: Let me see if I understand. Right here and now it’s 128 degrees and I’m suffering. And it’s not going to be permanent because you are going to end the tour soon and take us to a cool, dry place.

Tour guide: That about captures it. But before we go I want to show you the reclining Buddha. Do you know why he is reclining?

Me: Heat stroke.

Tour guide: No. He’s dying.

Me: I don’t want to appear insensitive but I’m dying.

Tour guide: You super funny.

Me: So we’ve seen the Golden Buddha, the Emerald Buddha, and now the Reclining Buddha. When do we get to see the Ice Bucket Challenge Buddha or the Air Conditioning Buddha?

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