It’s no secret that I am terrified of insects that are larger than a peanut, particularly those that fly. Insects I mean, Not the peanuts. Well on what started as an enjoyable walk along the Milwaukee riverfront with Pete and some friends, turned into six seconds of compete terror. There I was, taking in the sites along the river when out of nowhere I was accosted by what I describe as a 2-pound flying spider thingy. Below is a picture of what I saw charging toward me.
I consider it a hate crime. The monster targeted the weakest, most vulnerable one of the group. For crying out loud, I was with two lesbians who I’m sure were better equipped to defend themselves. Didn’t they all carry pocket knives and wear Tyvek jackets? My brushed cotton pullover was hardly the body armor I needed for protection. When the 2-pound spider thingy landed on my chest, I released the scream of the millennium. The scream was so loud that one friend dropped to the ground, thinking it was a terrorist attack. The other nearly dove over the railing and into the freezing water. Pete went into PTSD mode and crouched down into an defensive jujitsu pose.
My scream’s pitch was so high I swear I heard windows shattering on the other side of the river. No one except me actually saw the spider thingy. It buzzed off after my outburst, only to now haunt me in my nightmares. As if I didn’t have enough to keep me awake at night. WTF!!