I apologize, You Guyses

A perfect wedding weekend in Milwaukee with great friends is coming to a close. I’m now in my hotel waiting for my liver to shrink back to its normal size. My drink tab cost more than my first semester in college. And I’m beyond dehydrated. I tried to pee earlier and was only able to squirt out a Dirty Martini. Ugh! Before I forget, I want to apologize to all Milwaukeans. Or is it Milwaukeeites or Milwaukerers. Anyway, I want to apologize. I had a grossly unflattering perception of Milwaukee before I arrived. I assumed I’d spend most of my time here crouching beneath windowsills or hiding behind furniture as bullets whizzed by overhead. I was wrong. Milwaukee is a lovely city. And I’ll leave a piece of my heart and liver here. I’m serious. I think I just vomitted a chunk of my liver onto the bathroom floor. Great, now I probably need to apologize to the housekeeping staff. You guyses, I didn’t meant to make a mess. I learned “you guyses” from a bartender here. I’m exhausted now.

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